The needed gift

I was angry.
I was so angry I could spit nails and I wasn’t happy about that fact.
I am peaceful
I am Zen
And here I was like a dark storm that later came into being
But now, at this moment I was just plain old pissed off.
The dogs had run off while my back was turned and I thought they were being supervised by the other half, but they weren’t.
And I could feel my mellow mood escalate
I could feel the pressure rise
And the clouds grey dark above me and within me
And I walked.
I walked through the forest calling
Listening
And I was not in control
And I was angry
Because I wasn’t in control
And the winds picked up
And tree branches snapped and I knew the storm was coming
And I so badly wanted to lash out,
To kick a tree
To yell at the world
To spill my venom on the universe
And I couldn’t find them
And I was afraid
Of the what ifs and such
And I knew the moment of the highest point of mood
And found myself at the lowest
And I stopped.
I closed my eyes and. Just. stopped.
Find the middle, yes, find it.
I looked at my feet and there was a dainty feather
A bit mussed but I stroked it gently and a smile came from within.
More I said, I want more to the air that had become still
And I took a few more steps and here was a larger black almost perfect feather.
I bent down and looked at it, at its beauty and laughing out loud proclaimed,
Surely you can top this. I want one more.
Ten feet later a turkey feather lay below a tree.
Perfect clean, and gorgeous. I gently picked it up and held all three knowing I was ready.
I turned and headed for home, feeling that peace wash over me as the pressure subsided and the sky waited for me to stop and pick some plump blackberries, tasting their not quite ready sourness but enjoying the gifts regardless.
I had lost the anger.
I had found the middle.
The dogs sat on the porch out of breath and waiting, excited to see me.
I don’t know where they went.
I don’t know where my mind went for that short dark time
But we were home again. In the middle where we belonged.
As the door closed behind us, the crack of lightning filled the air and the rain fell like a thunderous waterfall. Winds forcing the water in and I turned the knob to the windows and I left them slightly ajar, not yet ready to lose the freshness, like my thoughts, letting the clean air in while pushing out the dark dank bitterness that slowly seeped away like the rain that ran like a river, down the hill and away.

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Published by

InfiniteZip

I am a sometimes poet on a quest to master the universe of my mind. My writing runs the gamut of nature, off beat, life and basically the world as I see it through the windows of my eyes. Welcome to my blog. Sit a spell in your big comfy armchair or favorite spot and read for a while if it suits and don't forget to leave a comment to let me know who you are and all that jazz. Looking forward to what each day brings and catch you on the flip side of the stars. Peace and blessings.

9 thoughts on “The needed gift”

  1. It is a puzzlement. How anger and loss of control might actually be a needed gift sometimes. How disappointments and failures and other heart-challenging events and moods provide a cleaner understanding of ourselves and the space we occupy in this world. A contrast— if you will — from where we desire to reside all of the time. Pundits, gurus, religionists, lamas … the best of the best … nonetheless slip, stumble, and react in haste. Some call it the Nature of us all. Some attribute other labels. In the finality of it, we’ve all experienced it, and will again until the end. A gift? How could this frailty ever be called a gift? Think on it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Skip, I think the gift is meant that through the darkest moments the smallest gestures, gifts if you will, let us realize we are just a tiny piece of the big puzzle. Birds lose feathers, I lose hair daily, but I tend to like to think and delve into the why of the mood. I know the answers and the anger comes when I realize that some things are truly beyond my control. But by centering my thoughts back to a simple beauty and frailty I find it settles me a little more. The gift is in the knowing the answers why…sometimes it solves my problem and soothes the beast a little…besides, I like my happy little Zen self….much more likable that way(just ask the hubs😊)

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