I sat amongst the trees that fell
soft and moving back into the earth
trod upon by faceless feet
the smell of damp and decay
filled my senses.
The light was dimming yet I was not done,
not with this moment
and not with the thoughts that I came to leave behind.
I stood, feeling each ache move through
and I smiled because I could
feel each ache and call it by name
from when the moment happened that
it became a part of me,
a tiny part of the whole that forms
this solid body,
and I blessed each area
beneath that setting sun and turned
slowly in a circle with arms high
praising the space I had found,
the moment when I could let go
and just be one
with the thickness of the silence.
A cracking sound above somewhere,
in the distance a falling branch
yet heard by ears that knew
this is how it would go
as the tree below under my weight
sunk further into its being
and became one with the dirt
where it had called itself home,
again to return
into the earth.
I leaned down and gathered the dying branch in my hand
as it crumbled into brown red pulp
moist and watched as the tiny bugs moved,
felt the coolness and lifted the mound
inhaling the life
This was the peace I had to find,
the growth and death of
each temporary thing surrounding me,
the part of me that I have become one with,
the element of this moment
here and now.
I had no photo, being techno free in the forest so leave you with my door greeting teacher of peace. Namaste my friends.
I was angry.
I was so angry I could spit nails and I wasn’t happy about that fact.
I am peaceful
I am Zen
And here I was like a dark storm that later came into being
But now, at this moment I was just plain old pissed off.
The dogs had run off while my back was turned and I thought they were being supervised by the other half, but they weren’t.
And I could feel my mellow mood escalate
I could feel the pressure rise
And the clouds grey dark above me and within me
And I walked.
I walked through the forest calling
And I was not in control
And I was angry
Because I wasn’t in control
And the winds picked up
And tree branches snapped and I knew the storm was coming
And I so badly wanted to lash out,
To kick a tree
To yell at the world
To spill my venom on the universe
And I couldn’t find them
And I was afraid
Of the what ifs and such
And I knew the moment of the highest point of mood
And found myself at the lowest
And I stopped.
I closed my eyes and. Just. stopped.
Find the middle, yes, find it.
I looked at my feet and there was a dainty feather
A bit mussed but I stroked it gently and a smile came from within.
More I said, I want more to the air that had become still
And I took a few more steps and here was a larger black almost perfect feather.
I bent down and looked at it, at its beauty and laughing out loud proclaimed,
Surely you can top this. I want one more.
Ten feet later a turkey feather lay below a tree.
Perfect clean, and gorgeous. I gently picked it up and held all three knowing I was ready.
I turned and headed for home, feeling that peace wash over me as the pressure subsided and the sky waited for me to stop and pick some plump blackberries, tasting their not quite ready sourness but enjoying the gifts regardless.
I had lost the anger.
I had found the middle.
The dogs sat on the porch out of breath and waiting, excited to see me.
I don’t know where they went.
I don’t know where my mind went for that short dark time
But we were home again. In the middle where we belonged.
As the door closed behind us, the crack of lightning filled the air and the rain fell like a thunderous waterfall. Winds forcing the water in and I turned the knob to the windows and I left them slightly ajar, not yet ready to lose the freshness, like my thoughts, letting the clean air in while pushing out the dark dank bitterness that slowly seeped away like the rain that ran like a river, down the hill and away.